By Karlie Baker
IV Leader Editor, Oct. 4, 2007
Column: The Thumbs Up
As members of a tri-weekly newspaper, it’s a little tradition of this staff to order food on layout night. The most difficult question of the evening is never what content to place on pages: it is what we’re hungry for.
For this issue’s feast, we faced a dilemma—Long John Silver’s chicken planks and fish, or fried chicken? Wonderful technological advances have come to our savior.
The “combo restaurant,” in our particular case, the KFC/Long John Silver’s in Ottawa, has shown us the light.
Combo restaurants are interesting because they take two of fast food’s finest establishments and mesh the menus together into a smorgasbord of greasy delight. KFC/Long John Silver’s, KFC/Taco Bell, Long John Silver’s/A&W… supposedly Pizza Hut is also in on this extremely marketable masterpiece. What a better way to please a family who can never decide on one eating establishment!
Yet as great as this concept may be at first glance, dangers do lurk. This treat for the digestive system may not be such a treat at all. Throughout the combo restaurant experience, the mind, heart and stomach may be feeling very different things…How the mind feels: “Who is the mastermind behind such staggering genius? Now I may partake in fish and biscuits! Tacos and popcorn chicken! Combo restaurants are the coolest thing since Burger King’s chicken fries!”
How the stomach feels: “This is the most delicious, calorie-laden spread I have ever endured! Combining ice cream with chicken planks, how they feel so satisfying coming down,” … and yet, 20 minutes later, it says, “You are the stupidest human I have ever digested for. What were you thinking, combining ice cream and chicken planks? I think I need to hurl.”
Which brings us to the mind, the wisest of them all, who sadly speaks far too late: “I knew all along that quesadillas and mashed potatoes would not agree with you, body. The idea is all well and good until you feel too fat to move from your chair and can’t find the Pepto Bismol! Perhaps if you had chewed slowly, perhaps you would have gotten my message that you were full after that third piece of extra crispy chicken!”
Moral of the story: be wary, guys. Inhale your food and suffer the wrath—those combo restaurants will get you.