Role of friendship undergoes constant change
By Wanda Kember
IV Leader Staff
It’s a known fact that the relationships we have as human beings help to define us. While family relationships are important, friendships stand out as the most important relationship of all.
Friendships give us something of our own. We lay claim to it by deeming this person or that person “my friend,” or “my best friend.”
Our friends change as we grow and so do our relationships with them. Grade school children have lots of friends, junior high and high school students have smaller circles. It truly is amazing to think that in high school we only spent four years together, but those are at the most crucial time in a person’s life.
My son just recently started high school and it makes me think back to all the things I loved and hated about that time in my life. Kids at that age think that they know everything; I know I sure thought I did. Now that I know better, I have to say the one thing we had right is that our friendships are important. However, after graduation we forget that because real life begins and we are just too busy.
Adult friendships take more work and planning, they fade away unless you make them important. Relationship dynamics also change. No longer can we spend countless hours on the phone, or “hanging” with our friends. Women have get-together to shop and go to lunch. They also e-mail.
Men go fishing instead of shopping and have a beer during the game instead of lunch. Less time is spent, but it is just as important. It becomes a sad but true fact that we do not realize what we have until it is gone. We take it for granted that we will always have more time later.
I was sadly reminded of this fact earlier this summer when a friend I had known since the first grade was killed. He was a wonderful man and I will surely miss him, but to be honest I hadn’t seen him in a few years, even though we lived just six miles apart. But somehow I made time to attend his funeral. How is it that it was important enough for me to make time for him now that he was gone, rather than when he was here? It made me think. It made me treat friends as more of a priority than an afterthought. The list of important people in my life may be small now, but they mean so much to me.
There is a saying that when you die they place two dates on the head stone--the date you came into this world and the date you left it, but it is how you spent the dash that is important. I say it’s not only how you spent it, but who you spent it with.
So here’s a thought: think of all the important people in your life and try to remember the last time you spent time together. Call your friends, have a party for no other reason than to spend time together, schedule a time to “hang out,” use those free nights and weekends minutes to catch up.
Adult friendships may take a bit more work, but they are so worth it.