Two negatives equal something right?
By Mark "The Hammer" Edgecomb
IV Leader Staff
Hammer Point #1
Summer passed much too quickly for me this year.
Now summer is history and the fall semester at IVCC is
underway. Turning onto Orlando Smith Avenue, on the first day of school the new,
yet sometime controversial, IVCC sign displayed the time and temperature.
However, I was unable to read the other message as I zoomed
past the infamous sign because I was talking with my banker attempting to
acquire a second mortgage allowing me enough cash to fill up my gas tank for
this semester’s commute.
Struggling to fasten my seat belt so as not to get a ticket
from a Safety Service Officer (really they can only have your car towed, third
mortgage.) I reviewed my class schedule duct taped to the dashboard I notice my
gas gauge pointer resting on empty. Not overly confident my credit score will
guarantee my much-needed loan.
Yet, at the same time, optimistic the center courtyard will
be open, so I can make it to my first class, Math 0907, on time.
Incidentally, I still pull my over-stuffed, handled, wheeled bookbag behind me,
but it seems infinitely heavier this semester. It must be the math book with all
those infinite numbers.
I stopped being a traditional student approximately three
decades ago.
As a returning, confirmed, hardened, unalterable,
sometimes-habitual chronic and persistent Non-Traditional student; I have been
subjected to and required to take “Placement Tests.”
I stopped lamenting this summer, took the math placement
test, and placed into Math 0907.
Indeed, by the end of this semester, I will be able to solve
for x, y, and any other letter I choose.
I believe, if I remembered correctly that when you multiply
two negative numbers you get a positive. However, it seems my banker does not
remember this simple rule because I have many negative numbers that are always
multiplying; nevertheless, they always end up as negatives on my bank statement.
Hammer Point #2
Our President of the United States has gotten this country
into quite the mess over in the Middle East. Here is Hammer’s take; Imagine a
pickup truck parked under a large hornets nest. The driver of the truck tells
his beer-drinking buddy to climb out and use a baseball bat to knock down the
hornets nest. Instead, his buddy drinks a couple of beers to perk up his
courage. Finally, getting his courage up, and being a loyal friend, he climbs
out into the back of the truck and starts swinging his bat. He swings and misses
a number of times. At last, his bat connects, and the nest falls into the box at
this poor guys feet. The driver panics and puts the truck into reverse and
crashes into the tree trunk. This leaves the friend outside, swarmed by angry
hornets. The driver is fearful and refuses to get out, or help. In fact, he is
not acting like much of a friend. Certainly not a very bright friend is he.
Hammer Point #3
All of the second floor buildings are linked, except Building
C, Which is in a state of limbo at this moment. Since I was up top I figured why
not pay a quick visit to my counselor (and friends) at Project Success. Where
have all the nice people gone? All three have resigned. Times are changing here
at IVCC. Those in Building C need to heed the signs. Perhaps I shall resign from
Project Success. Since I have reached my limit and lack the strength to deal
with number crunching types. Seeing that I already have infinite other tasks to
contend with this semester. Hope my banker approves that loan.