Hammer proposes union to protect student rights
By Mark Edgcomb
IV Leader Staff
The more I learn, the more I realize the less I know.
This certainly explains why I imagine that my knowledge has
shrunk to the size of the brains of the fruit flies that buzz around down in the
biology lab, or is it the start of Alzheimer’s? Before I forget, I would like to
thank, damn, I have forgotten who.
Oh, I remember all those amazingly talented, proficient and
supportive workers in the peer tutoring center found in B-201. Also, include
those that help all us students with our essays. Kidnapping some of these people
and taking them to the next college is not out of the realm of possibility.
Can we students unionize? If allowed to, we first demand the
placement of chairs outside all classrooms. No more sitting on the floor.
We stipulate the option to be sick one test day and still
receive full credit. We require more time when asked to write essays longer than
three pages. In return, we promise to stop repeating those long, boring,
sometimes sad stories about how our computer was knocked off our desk by the pet
goat escaping old grandpa with the butcher knife.
We will remain awake for the first 30 minutes of class and
any time past that is beyond the scope of our contract. Maybe it is time for
every one at IVCC to be afforded the protection of a union.
HAMMER POINT 2
In the interest of saving money and time needed to graduate,
I propose some new blended classes. Math and Philosophy into Mathosophy
3.141592653589793238462626. This class will question if real numbers are in
truth, real. And when factions divide in the forest and no one sees them could
it be possible they multiply instead? History and speech blended into Histeech
B.C. This class will examine the life of old speech teachers that lived a long
time ago.
HAMMER POINT 3
I was sitting in one of the comfy chairs in the library when
two students started talking about how much fun they had firing an M-16 this
past summer at boot camp for the Army Reserves. I assumed this because they did
not look like terrorists, and what does a terrorist look like anyway? Yes, I was
eavesdropping (Patriot Act allows spying in libraries) a little, and why not?
My own government is in the habit of locking people up
without convicting them of a crime. These two students (kids) neglected one
important fact: it stops being fun once you become the target. We are over the
2,000 body count in Iraq at this time. IVCC has an enrollment of approximately
4,500 students this semester. If we plug in the 2,000 killed U.S. soldiers and
imagine that this number represent students that withdraw on Nov. 9, almost half
of IVCC’s students would not be alive. Therefore, only every second person you
see or know at IVCC will be able to reenroll in classes at IVCC.
Can someone please tell me why my fellow Americans are dying
overseas?