MARLA'S MUSINGS COLUMN: Cupid strikes a political, 'religious,' target this year
By Marla Buchanan
As I write this ever conscious of the February 14th copy deadline, it reminds me of Cupid and his yearly flight and frolic. The chubby little cherub must have gotten drunk on the 'Elixir of Love' a few years ago, because he misfired one of his arrows and hit a certain politician with twin initials (Jesse Jackson) right square in the butt. I am sure that revelations of infidelity, secret children, and rumored misappropriation of charitable funds/hush-money sting more than any injury to one's posterior. It is truly a vexation to the soul for a religious politician to masquerade as a common alley cat (or is it the other way around?). "Religious" politicians can be crafty, sneaky creatures. If I were a rooster, I wouldn't want one near my hen house. Amen.
In this technological age men and women of "God" hide behind a political facade in the attempt to bring us all back to "that old time religion". "Do as I say, not as I do" seems to be the mantra of the wealthy conservative elite. There's something wrong when ecclesiastical representatives are begetting more than the laity. Dalliances and cover-ups are weekly headlines that no longer shock an ever-growing disgusted, disillusioned public. Many repentant tears have fallen, and in this font have baptized the dejected masses into reason. I thank God that I am an atheist.
Even though I am a misguided (but happy) heathen, I can swear on my Satanic Bible that I do not skin cats (well, maybe in my stories), roam aimlessly through deserted graveyards at midnight (only on Halloween), or worship the devil (that ended when we divorced). Like Homer Simpson, my only fear of Hell is that the barbecue would be lacking in cole slaw. I love ribs, so on the way to the abyss I'll pick-up the Open Pit.
Someone else bring the margarita fixin's.
If there is such a place as Heaven, then I hope that there is a special suburb for freethinkers. If it exists at all, it would be located two light years south of religiosity and one mile north of perdition. There would be one hell of a city council, and Clarence Darrow would be the mayor. Freedom and the pursuit of happiness are the rights of all--I think the honorable Mr. Darrow would agree.
If there is a God, may lightening strike this reader...see, nothing happened...(hello?).
As Wisconsin is known for cheese, and "The Onion," IVCC has it's own 'Mistress of Mayhem' and her humble column. I love shish-kebabing phonies, so satire is right up my alley. In an exclusive interview I asked J.C. what he thought about all of the recent naughty goings-on of His children, and He replied "They can go to Hell." I guess that means that they are grounded. He also said that He and Moses were going to go over to Elvis's mansion to play poker and hang out, so he couldn't talk long. What a guy!