MARLA'S MUSINGS: 'Mutant' columnist gives advice
By Marla Buchanan
Anyone who has ever struggled to write an essay knows the panic that ensues as the assignment due-date approaches. Writing papers, for any course, should not make you feel as if you are yanking-out your own teeth. A remedy for this problem is to obtain a copy of a good, writing guide, and keep it in your pocket, purse, or backpack.
Stephen King, in his recently released autobiographical/instructional book, called: "On Writing-A Memoir Of The Craft" (Scribner, $25 HB), recommended, on page 11, William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White’s, "The Elements Of Style" (Macmillan, $6.95). Both books are fantastic, and worth the cost.
"The Elements Of Style" is a slim book (only 85 pages), but jam-packed with valuable advice, such as: "Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell."
Many students believe that they have to write a certain number of words or fill a specific total of pages, but most instructors are just setting rough guidelines. Ask your instructor if those figures are written in stone. Don't pad any writing assignment with rambling thoughts and dialogue; it doesn't make the paper any better. Religiously stick to the subject and write in a clear, succinct manner, and you will get a good grade.
Good luck in your courses this semester.
CORN COBS
The first cob in this column goes to whatever celestial joker there is that thought up winter. A student could freeze their niblets off by trekking the endless arctic pathway from the student parking lots to the hallowed doors of our beloved institution. Just when the snow begins to melt and the grass and pavement become visible, Jack Frost vomits out another blanket of frigid misery. Call me grumpy, but Ol’ Man Winter knows what he can do with a spent ear of corn (and it’s not to make a pipe).
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and lovers everywhere will soon make their annual crusade for posies, chocolate covered cherries, and equally nauseating, syrupy sentiments. They will spend hours shuffling through dirty slush to obtain an over-priced token of commercial affection. Save your money and impress your loved ones by writing your own thoughts onto blank cards.
Who am I? I am a mutant hybrid of H. L. Mencken and Ray Bradbury. If my writings do not inspire you to reason or compel you to lose control of your bodily functions, I have not done my job. You may love me or hate me, but you will never call me boring.
In the future I will lay waste to hypocrites, charlatans, abusers, and meanies of all stripes. Nothing, and nobody is sacred. So grab your Depends as you pick up the next edition of The Apache, for you know not what you’ll find!
(Marla Buchanan is a member of the IVCC Apache staff; she can be reached via e-mail at: Ravenwoman1@aol.com).