POINT OF VIEW COLUMN: Violence in schools nothing new, neither is solution
By Corby Patay
I find it interesting that the same journalists that survived the 50’s-70’s have such blunted memories. They loudly decry the violence that has recently occurred in schools, forgetting what happened while they grew up.
I was born and raised in Flint, Mich. I moved to southern most Kentucky and was entering junior high when integration of schools was ordered.
My passion was music and my favorite was the southern gospel found at African American churches in the South. So I didn’t know of the repercussions to be faced should I even try to ask anyone about joining them for Sunday service.
I was 13 and beaten with the wooden box purses that were so popular at the time. My crime was befriending Belinda(not her real name) and going to church with her.
I was doubly confused when there was an outbreak of protests at school with angry parents and students for the next several weeks protesting "her kind". Those folks burned crosses and bombed churches just to get their point across.
I learned about soul food and the real souls of people from Belinda and her family. Belinda’s family let me stay overnight during a hard time. And I was there when rocks and bricks were thrown through the window while we crouched under the kitchen table.
I never understood. I loved Belinda’s spirit. I loved her intelligence. I loved her dance moves and her ability to make me laugh. I loved the way she and her family gave to the poor. I loved her poetry. I loved her for every reason one person loves a friend.
I also remember during the absolute height of the woman’s movement, I had another friend, Lisa.(not her real name.) Lisa was white. Lisa also had the voice of an angel and a wonderful sense of humor. Then one day, no one invited Lisa over. At age 14, Lisa did the unthinkable and outted herself by announcing at a slumber party she was gay. And from that moment on, the society that existed around her turned away.
Those of us who knew her loved her for who she was, not as lovers, but as friends. But we weren’t enough. I was at the hospital when Lisa took a lot of pills at age 15. She made it. Even so, many frightened mothers, still afraid what she had was catching, wouldn’t let their children near her.
Hate and violence in schools is nothing new. I am not a psychologist, but a journalist with nearly 20 years of experience in observing society.
How we view others, what we believe and how we react is only somewhat inborn and I really believe that part is optimistic and loving.
However, like walking and talking, our view of others seems to be shaped by what our parents teach us not just about others, but how we view ourselves in relationship to them.
Of course, drugs, alcohol, and mental illness play a role.
If some had known Belinda and Lisa, and were secure in themselves, they wouldn’t have felt threatened or fearful. Maybe they wouldn’t have put burdens on them and their families they couldn’t have possibly carried. Maybe they could have made a difference by caring.
It doesn’t mean we have to think like everyone else. But if we take the time to understand where someone else is coming from, it can go a long way toward resolving differences.
I was under enormous pressure this week. I was very ill, I am carrying 18
credit hours, am doing an internship and I am supporting my teen daughter. She is like every teen—she pays more attention to what I do, than what I say.
I walked into a meeting of concerned citizens who were intent on fixing the ilk of society. I sat and listened to some who said that it is "all these single mothers who are the problem."
I am also a single mom. Save your criticism. I didn’t run him off. My HUSBAND left when I got sick and had to stop work for a while. I work. I go to school. I pay taxes and do the best I can.
I suppose I could get a gun and threaten him. Or maybe pay thousands to a lawyer to chase him through the courts.
I chose simply in spite of overwhelming odds to do the best I could in spite of whatever circumstances I was handed.
I went home from the meeting and rented "Remember the Titans". I highly recommend it to anyone. Not only does it fairly represent those times, It also suggests a solution.
Coach Boone would probably be sued in today’s courts. But his no-nonsense philosophy was simple: he ordered the team ---blacks and whites to really get to know each other or he would keep upping the amount of football practices during camp.
The reason: It is hard to hate someone you really know.
Maybe if bullies got to know those they bullied and vice versa, we wouldn’t see as much gunfire. Maybe if blacks and whites got to know each other during the other 11 months besides February that it would make a difference. Maybe if instead of condemning and ridiculing lifestyles we fear or don’t understand, we can make a difference.
I don’t have all of the socio-economic expertise many have. I only know I was there then and I am here now. I see a lot of the same problems.
Metal detectors and policemen in the hallways didn’t change it then, and won’t now. I know what Coach Boone did during horrible times of tremendous violence worked.
And as George Santayana said,"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to relive it."
I would encourage every student to make an effort to attempt to know, really know, someone you would not normally seek out.
--Those you term the freeks, the geeks, the uncool, those of a difference race, or orientation.
In the process of learning about them, you will reveal far more about yourself.
And then, and only then will we all be able to over come this season of violence and have something of real value to teach our own children.