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 Hammer strikes final blows at education process

   By Mark Edgcomb
   IV Leader Staff

    Who’s on First
    With the spring semester and my tenure at IVCC about to conclude, I still have no clue about what lies ahead in the future. Certainly, on May 19 when I receive my hard-earned diploma, I will be a changed person because of all the new knowledge (data, awareness, understanding, and learning) that all of professors hired (and tenured) are responsible for shaping and reshaping.
Impending opportunities await me. I remove my cap and confer respectfully a BIG THANK YOU, PROFESSORS. Since I am in a thankful mood, it is necessary I thank some of the departments individually.
    First, the English Department, because without their help, I, wouldn’t haven’t understood, that, therefore are limits, on the numbers, of commas, one, is permitted, to place on the, printed page, or use,. The Math Department has made paying my bills and purchasing gasoline easy. They taught me about imaginary numbers, which allow me never to overdraw my checkbook, thanks.
The Science Department answered that one question that has always troubled me since childhood, where did my cat end up. Glad it was useful. Another thank you goes out to all the professors that used multiple-choice test instead of those little “Blue Books.” I, along with a growing number of students, prefer guessing instead of writing lies, which we pen hoping the professors will believe we actually cared about what they were attempting to teach us.
    Nevertheless, I give my support and vote for the professor of geology earning an 11 out of a scale of 10; this professor rocks. There are many other professors on campus that had me sitting in the front row scribing their every word on parchment that I purchased at the IVCC bookstore along with all those fun and cannot stop reading textbooks.
    I am grateful for those in the admissions office for allowing me to enroll at this college. Glad that I could bring laughter for those that work in the financial aid office. I will cherish their laughter. Others on campus should relax and take the time and laugh aloud more often because it is good medicine.
    The counselors pointed me toward the exit, and then give me a gentle push out. In my next life, I plan to return as a guidance counselor pushing the latest nonsensical courses stipulated by those that personify the upper levels of building C.
    Here is a question for the final candidates for president of IVCC. Whom do you call if you are locked out of your office? A. Your mother. B. Your Congress person. C. 9-1-1 D. Safety Service. Your choice will demonstrate your leadership ability in handling a problem and moving forward. In case of ties, the first person that can drive a semi-truck into that red flashing sign so we all can stop trying to read those spinning and flashing messages will be hired as IVCC’s next Commander in Chief. What if the sign reported wind chill temperatures and Sox scores?
    With the White House, a search for weapons of mass destruction continues, still assumed hidden under tons of sand. Maybe those that hold office in this nation’s Capital should concern themselves with putting more effort on stopping the destruction that is taking place inside education. Education is in a state of decline, based on my only having to answer 35 percent of the math questions correctly on the Illinois basic skills test to pass (this is the test that allows me to become a teacher in Illinois). Is education for the masses heading toward self-annihilation?.
    I’ve gone through the past couple years of life at school in a fog. That has worked well for me, and in the production of the spring play “School House Rock” I finally got to use my best talent running a fog machine, but I over fogged the cast and band. Sorry.     Nevertheless, what the hell, you never know what you will run into when traveling at a high rate of speed pulling a wheeled book bag in the fog. I may have clipped a couple of professors, yet I am sure they will recover and at least they will not forget the Hammer.
    Not long ago, I was just one of the many students that returned to school hoping to better themselves. Indeed, I have enjoyed my time at IVCC and will miss my fellow students and the community that make up IVCC. May a warm wind push you toward the college’s entrance on your long journey from the distant parking lots?

 

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