What the college needs now...
By Andrew Kelly
IV Leader Staff
I’ve noticed that there are many things missing from IVCC
that I was very much used to seeing while spending my days as a pubescent teen
in high school. For some reason, all the excitement is gone from going to school
now. We go to school, get our work done, and just leave, without any
extracurricular dilly-dallying. So I now will bring to the table some questions
that I’ve thought about while struttin the halls.
First, where the dickens are all the fights anymore? Fights
were a weekly occurrence in high school. What better way to show off to the
opposite sex and to prove how big your genitals are than to strap on the bare
knuckles and bust a few skulls? So starting today, let’s see the fists start
flying.
Onto my next issue. Whatever happened to the sweet makeout
action that used to be commonplace in school. It’s downright Patriotic I think.
All the historic Americans dabbled in the afternoon makeout in the hall: Joe
Dimaggio and Marylin Monroe, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Romeo and Juliet,
The Burger King and Ronald Mcdonald. You see, making out in the school hallways
is part of the American fabric, and if we’re fighting for anything in Iraq
anymore, it’s for the right to indulge in our significant other’s saliva.
Next on the chopping block is the fact that dodgeball is now
non-existent in my life and yours. Now seriously, what would make you scream out
“Yay, School!” more, than being concussed by a screaming fastball to the noggin.
Instead of that ridiculous book fair that seems to pop up in the lobby every
semester, let’s move all the couches aside and have the tournament right there.
Instead of buying useless coloring books(or whatever else they sell), let’s bust
out our balls and let them fly.